TRLW #005: Embrace the Power of Being Disliked

Welcome to The Road Less Written—your bi-weekly writing guide to build a magnetic digital presence.

In this newsletter, we’ll explore:

• How childhood experiences shape how you show up online

• Why “digital stage fright” sabotages your online presence

• 3 reasons why we hide our true selves online

• The real cost of inauthenticity

• 5 ways to unmask your authentic digital self

Shaped by Childhood

"What the f--k are you staring at…are you gay?" A 13-year-old boy glares at me. I'm 12, walking home from school, lost in thought. He misinterprets my absent-minded gaze as aggression.

A few weeks later, two older boys try to steal my bike on the first day of my paper round. So I quit. Four years later, I’m stacking shelves in a supermarket. Three older boys come in to fight me. So I quit.

These "fight or flight" experiences don't just stay in your childhood. They can haunt your professional life and how you show up on social media.

For me, I’m uncomfortable with sharing strong opinions because of the possible pushback.

In this issue, we'll explore how to break free from these patterns.

Digital Stage Fright

You've crafted the perfect post. Your finger hovers over 'Post'. But then...

Freeze.

"Too personal?" "Will they judge?" "What if no one cares?"

Welcome to posting anxiety—approval-seeking in the digital age (even in pixels).

Here's a secret: Most of my clients were "lurkers." Devouring posts, never engaging. Why? Fear of being judged. 

This fear often stems from deeper issues. After a recent devastating breakup, a therapist told me, "Love yourself more." Cliché, but it applies to your online self too. Loving yourself means trusting your voice is worth hearing.

Your hunger for validation is rooted in your past and childhood experiences (like the kids who wanted to fight me or steal my bike). And it sabotages how you show up authentically online.

3 Reasons Why We Hide Our True Selves Online

1. Cultural Conditioning: The Invisible Muzzle

Growing up in Northern England, there was a raw working class rage simmering below the surface—like how the air feels just before a thunderstorm.

Ambition and competence were a threat to the norm. I learned to downplay my achievements to avoid standing out.

Then I moved to the world's most dangerous country—Australia. Not for the sharks, snakes and spiders, mate. It’s because of success.

Aussies love the battling underdogs, but winners? They'll be cut down for standing out ("Tall Poppy Syndrome"). So people downplay their achievements. Not out of humility. But survival.

That's why I was drawn to working with Americans. In the U.S., success isn't just accepted—it's celebrated. People confidently own their achievements.

2. Past Traumas: Ghosts Haunting Your Posts

Bullying, rejection—they're like tattoos on your psyche. My coping mechanism was to play "nice"—but it showed up in business like a bad rash:

• Accepting bad deals.

• Naively skipping contracts, then getting suddenly dropped when priorities "changed."

• Being available 24/7 for demanding clients.

• Hero worshipping and putting others on a pedestal.

I also built emotional walls. I was scared to be judged for my real opinions. But my recent breakup taught me you don't need restrict baring your soul to one person. Keep your heart open and the right people will find their way in.

3. Fear of Professional Backlash

Being real could torpedo your career. I once lost a promotion for being brutally honest about my bosses in a survey. I was young and dumb. I could have still given the same feedback in a more refined way.

That's why it's crucial to work with a ghostwriter or content strategist on sensitive messaging.

The Real Cost of Inauthenticity

Let's talk about what you're really losing when you play it safe online.

• Missed connections with like-minded individuals.

• Your message gets lost in a “sea of sameness.”

• Lack of engagement from your audience.

• A really boring LinkedIn feed.

By trying to please everyone, you end up resonating with no one. You’re forgettable. Replaceable. 

Your Turn

Ready to break free from the digital mask? Here's your authenticity challenge game plan:

1. Reflect

Grab a pen and jot down your authenticity blockers:

• What's 1 thing you've been hesitant to share online? (This newsletter is an example.)

• What's the worst that could happen if you shared it? (I could lose followers.)

• What's the best that could happen? (It resonates and I attract a new aligned client.)

Spoiler alert: The 'best' usually outweighs the 'worst'.

2. Start Small

Share a minor personal win or challenge. BTS (Behind The Scenes) posts are good for this (example).

3. Embrace Polarity

The goal isn't to be liked by everyone—it's to be appreciated by those who resonate with the real you.

There are some LinkedIn creators who have strong opinions. I don’t agree with everything they say, but I respect their conviction. They’re memorable. 

4. Use the "So What?" Test 

Ask yourself, "So what if someone disagrees?" They might help you uncover blind spots.

5. Play the Game 

There are levels to LinkedIn like a video game:

1. How-to posts: Safe, but often get low engagement.

2. How-I posts: Still safe, but consistently performs well. (This got 37K views.)

3. Career stories: More vulnerable, gets decent engagement. (This got 30K views).

4. Strong opinions: Some will love it, some will hate it. (Full disclosure: I don’t do this much.)

As a founder, staying invisible isn't an option. You've got to be seen. Share something you've been hesitant to post this week.

When you post from a place of self-acceptance, you're more likely to attract genuine connections and engage meaningfully with others.

And when you’re the real you, the only person who can reject you is yourself.

Now go and hit “Post.”

Steve "Looking For Love In The Right Places" Costello

P.S. If you want to upgrade your online writing game, I can help in 3 ways:

1. Stories. Discover how I write stories that resonate on LinkedIn. Get the 90 minute training (10+ students.) $77. Reply Storytelling for access.

2. Friends with benefits. I'll write or edit your posts. Save time and improve engagement. No long-term commitment. Reply Wingman for details.

3. Ghostwriting (5M+ views driven). Stop chasing and start attracting your next client with magnetic LinkedIn/newsletter copy. Reply Ghost for details.

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